New Fill. New Pants.

2nd fill was Monday and there is just that slightly extra restriction I needed as I was feeling quite hungry between meals the previous week. With all of the pre-surgery research I did, somehow I didn't come across, or at least didn't notice that the optimum tightness of the lap band is so important and so tricky to achieve. I honestly feel that right now is perfect for me. I can still eat bread, fibrous vegetables, rice, dense meats, etc.(all foods that can potentially get "stuck" and come back up) with no issues. Calories range from 1500-2000 a day(keep in mind to maintain my weight I would have to eat 4000 plus). And yet in the past 2 and a half weeks I have dropped 14 pounds. Down 40 now! This time with real food....NOT pre-op and post-op liquid dieting. Have lost 4 inches in my waist and had to buy new pants and jeans yesterday. Still in huge sizes of course:) I'll be a Big & Tall shopper for a good year I would imagine. As emotional as I am I'll probably start crying the first time I can shop at Macy's or Dillard's. Can only imagine the looks I'll get! and I'll probably just keep on crying.

OK, so it isn't all sunshine and Ovaltine. One thing I do battle is not having food as a comfort during rough moments. My parents(as I've mentioned) are both very sick. We are hopeful that Mom can have many good years left, but that is always a huge concern and stress. Dad will not have many good years left, or that many years left period. The stress, worry and devastation of all of this could previously be "medicated" with 4 pieces of fried chicken, potatoes and gravy. Or an 18 ounce Ribeye with a baked potato the size of a toddler's head. 6 ounces of fish and a half piece of bread doesn't really cut it, in terms of comfort food.

All of that said, the whole idea of over indulgence as a comfort is a very unhealthy pattern. And true sustaining comfort will come from being much smaller and much healthier. I value this experience for more than just weigh loss. I value what it teaches me.

35 Pounds Down

Since my first fill a week ago today, I have dropped 9 pounds, with a total loss of 35. In no way am I as restricted as I will be. I can eat anything I want and in larger amounts than I will soon be able to. But I'm consuming roughly 1800 calories a day and that's a great weight loss zone for me. I honestly don't want the band to be so tight that half of what I eat comes right back up, but I also don't want to be quite as hungry as I am now. This little device in my body is quite the needy little thing, requiring constant care and altering. Thrilled to have it and will coddle this high maintenance device for the rest of my life.

So many good things on the horizon. 

Reunited With Exercise

So I noticed yesterday that my hunger had increased slightly from the day of the fill. Makes sense, since Karen(Nurse Practitioner) explained that it will likely be 3 fills before I feel optimum restriction for weight loss. That said, I'm eating much less again(around 1300 calories  a day the past 2 days) and have lost 5 lbs the past 2 days, equaling a total of 31 pounds now. This is sort of the cycle of the band. Lose a lot of weight, lose a little weight, lose no weight, gain a few pounds, get a fill. Repeat.

6 weeks since surgery and now it's Back to the Bowflex! Did a very light workout yesterday on this cool machine, then hopped on the exercise bike after. Felt great and did not feel any pain in my umbilical hernia. I think exercise is vitally important during this process and for the rest of my life, frankly. I was feeling so down yesterday morning, dealing with both parents struggling with severe health problems. After my workout the mind was stronger and the sadness at a manageable level anyway. Much more effective than 2 meals at McDonald's, then amounts of beer that I now find impossible to consume! Although I do see some wine in my near future:)

1st Fill Complete. Now the True Lap Band Weight Loss Begins.

Just got home from Dr. Malley's office and enjoying a few ounces of Muscle Milk following my first fill. I wondered if it would be painful, and honestly it wasn't. There was a slight sting from the needle that might be comparable to getting a shot, but it lasted for a second. I will say a slight throbbing/stinging sensation is still there, and maybe that's due to some remaining scar tissue from surgery. The fill itself was feelingless-my word, deal with it. This is a day that I have been impatiently waiting for for weeks as I have been very hungry and have had little to no restriction since about 2 weeks post surgery. Hopefully within a couple of weeks, I'll be back to 40 pounds down(currently 26). Until then, I'm still a little miffed at gaining 14 pounds back, even though I know it's entirely normal.

What a great entire staff at Malley's office. Today I met Nurse Practitioner Karen, who administered the fill. She was a great source of information, very kind and I'm gonna go ahead and say she did a great job because my belly is full after roughly 6 ounces of Muscle Milk!

2 Weeks

My first fill is in 2 weeks. As I mentioned in an earlier post, hunger had really started to kick in. Well that has leveled off a bit and while I'm still eating more than I eventually will, I'm not starving by any means. And, I'm starting to fill up on less food again which is SO welcome. In 2 weeks, my hope is that my first fill is a success(it can take 2 or 3 to get it right), because if so, the weight loss will return in a big way.

What an emotional ride this has already been. I almost hesitate to share too much because it makes one so vulnerable. Some things should be kept secret, right? Of course, this is just mind manipulation to entice people to ask me to share:) What I will say is this. Most days, most of the time I am optimistic, energetic and encouraged by so many people close to me. That said, there are still so many reminders of how big I am, and how I'm perceived by some because of that. I've thought a lot about past relationships the past couple of days. Even the ones that didn't end so well. The main thought or feeling is not regret or bitterness. It's actually an awareness of how much I appreciate every beautiful girl I've dated who gave a very overweight guy like me a shot. The ones that didn't just think I have a "good personality" but also made me feel like a handsome guy from the chin(s) up who needed to lose weight for my health rather than only seeing a fat guy. Whatever wrongs that may have been committed(which I have documented in numerous songs:)) they are forgiven for that very reason. Hopefully my wrongs are forgiven, too.

I'm hearing Willie Nelson and Julio Iglesias in my head this very second.

Ode To Bandster Hell

Until my first fill I am ready to kill
and eat everything in sight
Chicken skin, beef, pasta as well
Add mayo. And I don't mean lite.

So please adjust me sooner than later
Dr. Malley I beg this of you
I have healed so quickly No longer am I sickly
All day I just chew chew chew

Welcome To Bandster Hell

That is the term used by many new "banders" to describe the intense hunger they begin to feel between being healed and having their first fill. For 3 days now I have felt increasingly hungry and am eating more because of it. Obviously that scares and frustrates me a little because I don't want to gain any weight back during this period. What is comforting is to read other blogs and posts and various lap band sites and learn that not only is this normal, it's a good thing and part of the process. Let's face it, I didn't lose 40 lbs in 3 weeks because of my new lap band. I lost so much weight due to a mostly liquid diet, and now that my stomach is no longer swollen, that means I have healed very well from the surgery, and that the opening from my pouch to my bottomless pit is wider than it will ever be for the rest of my life. During these few weeks I am prepared(still disappointed because I am human) to gain 5-10 pounds as it would be impossible to go from eating 800 calories per day to roughly 1700 a day and not gain back some water weight. The true weight loss will come once my band is adjusted/filled to where it needs to be. On that note, I'm learning that can be tricky and may require a few fills to get it right.

This "easy way out" sure is harder than I thought:)

So I guess November will be more about adjusting to solid foods, healing, increased exercising and continued healing. Hopefully a couple rounds of golf, too. I've already decided that I have 13 years to bring my handicap down from about a 12 to scratch and play the Champions Tour. I suppose a back up plan would be wise!

13 Days Post-Op. May the Exercising Begin. Slowly.

Nothing strenuous for 4-6 weeks. OK. Since even putting my socks on has long been strenuous, what exactly can I do??? Not to mention a still painful right knee. I hope with everything in me that I don't need a knee replacement someday. I love walking, but walking makes the knee pain much worse. Hopefully as the weight comes off that changes. It is somewhat debilitating. I CAN ride my exercise bike and put in a good solid 5 minutes this morning. I could have gone a little longer of course, but don't want to disrupt my continuing recovery from surgery. I plan to ride the exercise bike at least 5 days a week, getting up to 20-30 minutes a day, and then adding some light weightlifting on my bowflex. Hopefully my umbilical hernia isn't made worse by weightlifting.

Stay thin, kids. While I have no life threatening comorbidites, years of stress on my joints and muscles have taken their toll.

In terms of how I feel, lets put it this way. I'm the most energetic, the most happy 200 pound overweight guy on the planet. Bar none the greatest decision of my life. I feel outstanding. 

First post-op appopintment. Down 40 pounds,

Appointment went great. No major issues post surgery other than a lovely UTI. For a few days I felt as though I was peeing blades, or glass, or maybe ethanol. One and a half days of meds and already feeling much better, so no big deal there. Dr. Malley was excited and pleased with my weight loss, and the fact that I'm feeling so well. I echo that.

I actually am able to eat solid foods now. Am enjoying the things I'm able to eat and in the amount I'm allowed to eat them. Less and less do I feel like tearing into something and scarfing it down like I was so accustomed to doing. I really worried about this pre-surgery and even the first few days after. It's not like I was frustrated that I couldn't indulge EVERY meal, just the occasional meal. But somehow this whole eating less, chewing more, and stopping when I'm full has turned out to be a much easier transition than I thought it would be. Losing 40 pounds so quickly doesn't hurt.

14 Pounds Till "During" Pics

I have been told by many, especially those who've lost significant weight to be sure and take plenty of pictures along the way. I have plenty of before pics, mostly taken by someone else and then tagged on facebook. The during phase will start once I have lost 50 pounds. down 36 so far, I anticipate posting some before and during pics sometime around Halloween. Appropriate, don't you think?

Best Day So Far

Is it possible I feel better in some ways 6 days post op than I did prior to having this procedure? The water is going down easier. All liquids and soft foods are going down easier, actually. And the poisons of excess are no longer swimming through my intestines and veins. I can tell that soon I will feel like I did in my teens. Of all the really dumb, costly decisions I've made in my life, pretty sure I made a good one this time.

Nausea and New Clothes

5 days post-op and dealing with constant nausea and associated 'issues' if I don't take certain meds. Do have to push the water and liquid proteins to not feel dehydrated and weak. That said, I feel great considering and am SO looking forward to chewing food in 5 days. I think solid foods will help tremendously with the above mentioned issues.

Yesterday I was 31 lbs down. Amazing. Today I discovered I have a new shirt and a new pair of jeans, and didn't have to spend a thing. They are of course clothes I bought a couple of years ago and barely fit in them at the time. Haven't been able to wear them in well over a year. Now they are looser than when I bought them. Wow.

Day 4

Woke up feeling nauseated and weak this morning. Felt like this for most of yesterday, too. Was able to drink a glass of water and down about 3/4 cup of very thin Cream of Wheat this morning, which helped. Days 3-6 I've been told can be this way. Several days of consuming a few hundred calories(per day) does take it's toll. Also takes it toll on the scales....I've lost 28 pounds! Almost laughable how quickly it comes off during this phase. I will so take it.

Within 4 or 5 days I'm told I'll feel much better. At it's worst this has still been very mild in pain and discomfort. Hopefully I can perform at my band's scheduled gig next Saturday. Gonna have to find a lot more energy in the next 8 days, but I'm hopeful.

Enjoying the ride.

First Tough Day

Incisions are healing and feeling better all the time, but having been on clear liquids for several days now, I am very hungry and even more tired and weak. This is part of the process, so I'm not alarmed or surprised. Just tired and hungry. I am finding it takes me 10-15 minutes to drink 8 ounces of anything, including water. And then I need a couple hours before I can even think of drinking anything else. Makes it tough to get anywhere near the amount of water or protein I need. Still, I'm smiling because I've lost 22 pounds. And toughing it out the next 9 days on liquids and then soft foods I'll bet I'm down another 15 pounds or so. That's the upside to feeling like this.

My mind is as strong and committed as it could possibly be. Just sharing the experience. From reading other blogs I could very well be feeling worse before I feel better. So be it, it's worth it.

Major shout out to Dr. Malley and Nurse Amy

Here I sit one day post-op and the pain is possibly a 3 on a scale of 1-10. Isn't that amazing? I'm down 15 plus lbs(haven't weighed today) due to the 12 day pre-op diet I was on. Now only liquids and non-chewable foods like jello, yogurt, pudding, etc till October 1st. Probably down another 10 lbs or so by then and then I'm assuming the weight loss will slow down once I introduce 'real' foods to a few pounds a week until I hit that highly anticipated first plateau!

I had my surgery done at New Hope Bariatrics in Overland Park, KS. Dr. Malley works with a couple of other great surgeons there and he came highly recommended by my good friend David Mogren who had the lap band surgery in February. From the moment I stepped into the office I felt many things-all good things. The facility was newer and clean, the staff very welcoming, and the seats.....oh the seats! They were so big that the arm rests were actual ARM rests. Not 2 planks of wood digging into my love handles. That's if I can even fit in the seats at all! These seats are the kind of seats I beg, pray to see, but never do while walking into various offices. Anyway, enough about the seats. The entire staff was nothing but calming, engaging, informative. Such a true optimism around every turn at Dr. Malley's office. And my nurse. Amy. One of the most kind and caring people I've ever met. She was with me all day yesterday playing part nurse, part waitress, part bed adjuster and even part therapist. She's a jewel. And Dr. Malley is simply a stud. He's performed around 2000 lap band procedures. Out of the 6 or 7 he did yesterday, he said mine was the easiest. Mine? Have you seen this belly? He's a brilliant surgeon and a very cool guy. Thanks to you all!

Tomorrow. Just Another Day....

Just another day for my surgeon, that is! For me, it's an ending and a beginning. An end of overindulgence and at least many of the consequences of it. A beginning of healthier diet choices, exercising regularly(and with less pain), and shrinking to a size I haven't been since my teen years. Oh yeah, and STAYING there. To me, that's the great thing about the lap band. The effectiveness it can have in helping you keep the weight off. I have lost fairly significant amounts of weight over the years only to gain it back and then some. At light speed it seemed.

Hopefully it's also the beginning of accepting that no matter what size I am, and no matter how much weight I lose, there are a vast majority of people who are supportive and a handful of "others" who will discredit what I have done in saying(as some already have) that I'm taking the easy way out, or that I must have no willpower. That will always bother me to some degree, I guess. This is certainly no easy way out. I guess smokers trying to quit who wear the patch are weak, too. Nothing. I repeat NOTHING is easy about this. As I sit here at 5:45 PM  I am on day 12 of consuming roughly 1/4 the calories per day that I'm accustomed to. In fact today(which is clear liquids only) I've had 2 bowls of chicken broth and a Powerade Zero. Maybe that's why I'm getting worked up here! And tomorrow I willingly realize my decision to never eat a huge meal again in my entire life. To possibly never eat a Ribeye, White Bread, Fried Chicken, Pasta, Peanut Butter and more EVER again in my life-depends on how I tolerate them. That's no easy way out for one so infatuated with food as I am. The value in weight loss surgery(vs. non-surgical weight loss) is not that it's easy, but rather if you follow the guidelines, your hunger will be severely reduced. And that is something ANYONE who struggles with their weight would accept. Please, if you hear someone express this complete lack of understanding refer them to the hundreds of lapband and gastric bypass sites and have them see for themselves how disciplined the successful patients are. FAR more disciplined than most of their critics.

OK. Enough of that. I'm probably going to read that last paragraph in a few days and apologize for the tone in which it was written. All that said, I am so unbelievably excited for this surgery and this brand new life. Mira, Sloan and Willow...I'll be able to play outside with you before you know it! Nate, Ty, Drew and Beth....Look out Worlds of Fun! Mom and Dad, you won't have to lose sleep worrying about me for much longer. You're as excited and thankful as I am. Probably more in some respects. What a gift for me and my entire family. You are all on my mind right now. I love you more than I can ever express.

Real Estate, Protein Shakes and Lambeau Field

Random thoughts? Maybe, but they are all at the very core of my mind and existence right now. Real Estate is so slow that I have very little to do other think about how STARVING I am and how these protein shakes, while somewhat tasty, are all I can I eat until dinner time. Only 4 more days, though. I can do anything for 4 days, right? Come to think of it 4 days is probably double the amount time I've ever exercised any true discipline! See the title of this blog.

And lastly, Lambeau Field. The greatest sports venue on the planet. Vince Lombardi, Bart Starr, Jim Taylor, Ray Nitschke, Willie Davis, Paul Hornung, Reggie White, Brett Favre. Yes, Brett Favre-I still love ya, Brett! What other team can rattle off legends like this???? That's why last year, as daunting a task as it seemed and turned out to be, I hopped on a plane(2 seats) with Dad and we made our first voyage to the place we'd dreamed of going to for so many years. And while it was a magical weekend, it was brutal and embarrassing sitting in 2 seats and STILL being very cramped. Not to mention the walk from our motel to the stadium and then to our seats. Not sure how I even did it, but I did it. I guess the point is that I can't wait to do this again at half the size. Will no doubt equal twice the experience.

Add other experiences(too many to name) I have pretty much been forced to abandon and I can't imagine how awesome it's all going to be. Make no mistake I have no doubt lived a much more full life than many people my size, but once I can go to a public place without having to inspect it first to see how big the seats are THAT will be living again. And it's coming.

No Turning Back Now. 6 Days Till Lap Band Surgery!

7 days into this pre-op diet and everyone and everything around me looks like a chuck roast. Initially, I was kidding when I told my parents I wanted to eat them. That was Day 2. It's now becoming less of a joke and more a cry for help. I will admit to not being "perfect" on this diet, but if the surgeon thought that a 200 plus pound overweight guy could eat roughly 900 calories a day for 12 days he was as delusional as I am at the moment. Make no mistake, most days have been right at that number, but a few days I have been around 1300 calories. Stuffed! Not. In no way am I complaining or feeling any regret about this. I simply have never been more excited about anything-EVER in my life.


So yeah, I'm doing this little blog. I'm not sure how regularly I'll be posting but I want to be as open as I can about this entire process from start to finish. Reading others' blogs about their experience has profoundly helped me, so I will pass it on-pay it forward, etc. Come to think of it, there really never will be a "finish." That's the old way of dieting. Speaking of 'dieting' how did I SO fail at dieting or whatever the accepted term for healthy eating is these days? How did I let myself so regrettably, so embarrassingly get to a weight well over twice what I should be? I'm certain it will be years before I will fully or even mostly understand this. All my life I have beaten myself up and over the head with guilt and frustration. The emotional ride that comes along with the struggle to lose weight and keep it off is some ride. And while I was stuck in the mentality for so long that I could lose the weight "on my own" and keep it off, I am stuck no more! I not only want the help that the lap band can offer me, I need it. And I accept it with a whole lot less guilt than after eating McDonald's for lunch and dinner 3 days in a row. Anyone who knows anything about the lap band will tell you that it is not a device that eliminates discipline and accountability. My eating and exercise habits are about to undergo a drastic change. And so am I. And what a much more satisfying ride this next phase of my life is going to be.

Can't wait. Talk soon.